diacriticdreams

1. 7
   Dec
   

   3.

   Im on a bus. The kind of bus that gives tour guides. The kind of bus that is filled with strangers.
   I should be happy. I should feel excitement for my holiday prospects, even if i am alone.
   But instead i feel dread.

   The bus is travelling up hill on a mountain. The road is more like a dirt track and curves around the mountain sharply.
   I cant imagine anyone believing this is the correct path for a bus of this size.

   The driver takes the next bend and pulls the wheel too hard. I hold my breath as the bus begins to fall over the edge.
   I am expecting pain, but the bus only rolls over, stuck between the curve of the road.
   Everyone is climbing up through the windows and onto the road.
   Nobody is hurt. But nobody is talking. Nobody has talked the entire bus ride.

   Suddenly the edges of the road give way and the bus falls down the cliff.
   It appears to be floating and it seems to vanish.
   There is no crash. Its just gone.
   Along with the people still remaining onboard.

   Everyone standing on the road begins to turn and start following the road to go down the mountain.
   I walk behind them not even sure of what i am thinking.

   Noises come from a cliff above and white containers come crashing down and exploding onto people.
   They seem to be water tanks that are filled with petrol.
   People are burning.
   People are dying.
   I run from the road down into the trees. I run until i reach what seems to be a small village.
   Others are running with me.
   The village is not abandoned but i cannot see anyone.
   There are about six grey brick buildings, none of them taller than me.
   A brick pit is in the middle and holds icecreams.
   Hundreds of wrapped icecreams.
   A man appears and offers me one. We dont talk.
   I eat many as the night sky falls over me.

   I look around me and notice that some wolves are stalking from the trees. Giant wolves. The size of the bus that i travelled here on.
   They start pouncing on everyone and eating them alive.
   I am trying to find a place to hide. But i cant hide. I know i am foolish to try.
   Suddenly the biggest wolf pounces on me and pins me down. He snarls at me, he snaps at me. But he wont kill me.
   I know its him. I can feel his heart. Its not an evil heart but it is filled with hate.
   He dosnt want to hurt me but he does.
   I beg to live. I beg to die.
   I am dead inside regardless.
2. 6
   Dec
   

   2.

   Im in my house. The house has no walls, no floor, no roof. My house seems to be a small clearing in a forest with very tall trees.
   I have a kitchen. I have a bench top and and oven. That is all i can see for now.

   I put my shopping bags on the bench top and start pulling out all of my treasures. I remember being in a supermarket but the memory is like a dream.

   First i pull out jellybeans. I open a bin that is sitting on the benchtop and fill the bin with the jellybeans and replace the lid.

   Then i pull out gummi bears.
   I open a second bin and fill it with the gummi bears.
   This continues until i fill about ten different bins. They dont have clear lids but i know exactly what is in each. I feel accomplishment at the thought of being so organised.

   I am thinking of the meal i am planning to cook for him.
   I am thinking of jelly. In all the colours and flavours of the rainbow.
   I am thinking of standing in front of the boxes in the supermarket.
   Which is the perfect flavour?
   Which would please him most?
   Watermelon is the obvious answer.

   I look up and to my left.
   There is a small footbridge crossing a pond.
   It is very dark and hard to make out who is coming towards me.
   It is him.
   He reaches me and surveys the kitchen, taking in everything.
   He reaches for me and brings me close, wrapping his arms around me.
   For this time, for the first time, i have made him proud.
3. 23
   Feb
   

   1.

   Im walking through the woods.
   I dont know where i am but it feels familiar.
   The trees are wet but the ground is dry and everything crunches under my feet as i search for my missing pony.
   I dont remember having a pony but i assure myself i do.
   It feels as though i am being pulled in a certain direction and i feel scared but i keep going in a trance like state.

   I stumble on a tree root and fall face down, disturbing what seems to be the opening of an abandoned mine shaft. I look down and to my surprise see my missing pony. He is distressed and bleeding from his neck.
   I jump up off the ground trying to find a way to get him out but the shaft is so far down i know i have no hope of getting him out alone.

   I take off at a run back through the woods willing someone to be around the bend.
   But the bends come and go and still i am running.

   Suddenly i stop.
   Ahead of me there is what appears to be a house. But it is covered by trees and vines and is barely visible.
   I walk slowly to the door. Its ajar and i dont hear any noise from within so i make the decision to just go inside.
   
   The house is dark inside lit only by dim lights. The floor appears to be moving and when my eyes adjust to the darkness i realise with horror the floor is swarming with bugs. Cockroaches and beetles straddle my boots.
   They seem to be up to my ankles.
   I start walking around the room so they cant crawl up my legs and even though i am stepping on them its like they dont even notice i am there.
   The whole room is filled with glass tanks.
   I take a closer look at the first one i come across and see that it is home to a giant tarantula only it has about 20 legs.
   As i go from tank to tank i see that each spider is very different but all are grossly disfigured.
   I shudder and try to find a way out of the room.

   I walk up a small staircase and into a room filled with huge cauldrons.
   Steam is rising out of each of them but none appear to be hot.
   Going up to the closest one i step up to the edge and look inside.
   The contents look like vomit and smells just as awful.

   But something compells me to stick my hand inside it before i know it my hand it scouring through runny liquid with hard chunks.
   My hand closes on a strange feeling peice and i yank it out.
   Its a bone.
   
   The bone looks like it could be human. Maybe a forearm.
   I drop it in shock.
   Part of me wants to run away screaming from the monster who resides in this evil place.
   The other part, the curious part,wants to keep searching. 
   I feel like i ended up here for a reason. 
   Either way i am shaking with terror. 
   I hear a noise behind me and spin around not knowing what i am about to face.
   
   A boy.
   Small and dishevelled. His clothes seemed to be torn rags.
   Oh and his face!
   No words on earth could describe his face.
   It was like somebody had played with his features. Taking them off and damaging them as they pleased, then tossing them back on without a care of how they landed.
   My heart felt only sorrow at that point.
   
   He seemed afraid of me and ran into yet another room.
   I followed him trying to navigate my way over what seemed to be piles of hair.
   This room was the strangest of all.
   Nothing scary or horrific.
   Just four walls of wooden drawers.
   All i could think about was the millions of secrets living in each drawer.
   There were hundreds of them. All identical.
   In the darkest corner huddled the boy. He seemed to be cowering from me yet beckoning me over at the same time.
   I slowly walked over not knowing what was to become of me.
   Was this the end?

   After an eternity i get to the boy and he reaches for my hand.
   With it he opens ones of the drawers and smiles.
   I look down and in that moment my mind seems to shatter.
   The drawer is lined with a mirror and in the mirror is my reflection.
   I dont believe its me of course but it must be.
   The mirror breaks at the same point that my mind does.
   What i see staring back me is somebody else. Not the face i know.
   It resembles the face of the boy, only worse, as though it had been done by myself.
   Did i know all along that i infact was the monster?
   The one i was searching for.
   The one i was afraid of.
   The monster who had created all these appalling crimes of nature. Disfiguring both the spiders and the boy.
   
   I smile.